Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
