his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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