can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
