1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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