So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
