i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
