I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I have aggressive nipples.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
