i think i have two assholes
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
