What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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