Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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