you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips