im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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