tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
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I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
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I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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