i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
