'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
