So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
