Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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