he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize