I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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