it's too hot outside to masturbate.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
