When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
