We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
