So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?