I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
