Texts From Last Night

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  (716): View more from New York

  can you take me to a tanning bed

  (1-716): View more from New York

  sure, why though?

  (716): View more from New York

  i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious

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  (716): can you take me to a tanning bed (1-716): sure, why though? (716): i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious http://tfl.nu/lgox
  Replies (31) Good night (583) Bad night (6374)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line

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  (203): Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line http://tfl.nu/4rr4
  Replies (11) Good night (1577) Bad night (5119)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?

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  (+44): Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night? http://tfl.nu/4ztl
  Replies (10) Good night (3412) Bad night (920)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  What color are my eyes?

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  Ummmm... 34 C?

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  (519): What color are my eyes? (1-519): Ummmm... 34 C? http://tfl.nu/3v5v
  Replies (14) Good night (11781) Bad night (1402)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.

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  (301): Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours. http://tfl.nu/5jwu
  Replies (10) Good night (3460) Bad night (667)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.

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  (703): I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING. http://tfl.nu/0loh
  Replies (3) Good night (1022) Bad night (503)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway

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  (330): Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway http://tfl.nu/794f
  Replies (5) Good night (1135) Bad night (289)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm

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  (515): After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm http://tfl.nu/0xl4
  Replies (2) Good night (605) Bad night (306)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.

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  (218): He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins. http://tfl.nu/4w92
  Replies (5) Good night (422) Bad night (842)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.

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  (306): For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now. http://tfl.nu/yu2a
  Replies (4) Good night (306) Bad night (660)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.

  (1-601): View more from Mississippi

  Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.

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  (601): My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service. (1-601): Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar. http://tfl.nu/yh0y
  Replies (1) Good night (928) Bad night (237)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE

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  (803): Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE http://tfl.nu/rt74
  Replies (13) Good night (400) Bad night (1076)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing

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  (518): The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing http://tfl.nu/1ex1
  Replies (3) Good night (752) Bad night (261)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not

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  (920): I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not http://tfl.nu/p3ul
  Replies (2) Good night (761) Bad night (225)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"

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  (713): If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in" http://tfl.nu/euzu
  Replies (8) Good night (450) Bad night (183)

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