I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
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If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
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When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello