i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
