Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid