dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
