You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
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