I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
