The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize