i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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