when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
