Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
