I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
