If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
