pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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