She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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