my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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