bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
