you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
