I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
