The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
