I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
