did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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