In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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