I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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