Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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