I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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