im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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