There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
not ubering you a puppy
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
