is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
