No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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