So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
