he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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