She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
