He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
