If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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