My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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