I want to stick my p in your. b.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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