matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
