Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
