never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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