Your face is a jimmy john
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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