I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
