That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
