I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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