I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
