I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
