...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
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this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
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Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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