i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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