I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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