is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i now understand why vodka
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize