They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
