Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
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He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
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I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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