I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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