cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
