He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize