No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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